📚 R&R: Your *exclusive* essay and book recommendations from Abby King

Welcome to R&R!
Your *exclusive* monthly reflection and reading recommendations to nourish your soul.

All Thing Hold Together:
love, suffering and the power of an undivided heart.

I have a confession to make: I am ever so slightly (okay, completely and totally) obsessed with Father Greg Boyle, the founder of Homeboy Industries, the largest gang intervention programme in Los Angeles. I have read his books many times over and often go so sleep listening to Tattoos on the Heart. There is something about the way he communicates God’s love that is utterly captivating and compelling. “There will never come a day that I will withdraw my love from you,” he says to a gang member who has messed up again. “I’m simply in your corner until the wheels come off.” Don’t we all want to experience that kind of unconditional love and commitment?
 
Recently, I’ve been reading Celeste Fremon’s book, G-dog and the Homeboys: Father Greg Boyle and the Gangs of East Los Angeles. In it, she tells stories of triumph and tragedy, Greg’s relentless compassion, and the trauma that shapes the lives of the ‘homies’. Describing one incidence of death by gang violence, she writes:
 
When I learned who killed Blue – the real name – I have no choice but to do what Greg has said one must do. I hold two seemingly discrepant thoughts, side by side, one in each palm.  In one hand, a kid whom I know and care about very much, a kid full of pain, yearning, possibility. In the other hand, the unendurable reality that this same kid has murdered a boy I had come to love.
 
At first, it feels that if I hold the thoughts too close together, they will spark a conflagration inside me. But in time I am able to bring them close enough to touch and am disconcerted to find that one does not weigh more heavily in my heart that than the other (p.271-272).
 
//
 
Our world is held tight in the grip of polarization just now. You’re either for us or against us, we’re told. Pick a side, choose a fight, shout the loudest. Our dominant cultural narratives tell us there is only left or right, in or out, up or down. It tells us the way to belong is to exclude others, the way to survive is at the expense of others. The truth becomes simplified, over-exaggerated and distorted to such an extent that it no longer resembles the truth at all. There is no room for both/and, there is no room for nuance. We are only offered the apparent certainty of either/or.
 
The way of Jesus, though, invites us to hold together truths that seem incompatible. We are both sinner and saint; we feel pain and we feel joy; we experience suffering and yet continue to hold onto the goodness of God.
 
As Fremon points out, holding two opposing thoughts together can feel impossible, like something inside us will be torn apart, permanently damaged by the force of such a conflict. How can God be good while so many people are suffering? How can I love this person who has caused such harm? How can I believe God loves me when I’m experiencing so much pain?
 
At some point, every one of us must wrestle with these questions, like Jacob, wrestling with God. Wrestling is hard work. It takes blood, sweat and tears. It takes courage and perseverance to keep grappling with the questions. It takes grit and determination to say I will not let you go until you bless me, talk to me about this, help me understand.  It means we don’t settle for easy answers or simple equations – if I do this, then God will surely do that. It means we don’t let go and sit down in the dust of our own despair.
 
We contend with God in the arena of our own circumstances. It has often been difficult for me to believe God still loves me when I consider my broken dreams, hurts and disappointments; or when life doesn’t work out the way I wanted it to. Struggling with God has left me with the limp of my unanswered questions. I cannot tell you why gang members continue to shoot each other to death. I cannot tell you why my friend’s 4-year-old has cancer. I cannot tell you why good fathers are killed in freak accidents. I don’t know why some prayers go unanswered and some people have to endure wave after wave of unbearable anguish and agony.
 
But I have come to find that suffering and God's love are not mutually exclusive. Love does not invalidate suffering, but neither does suffering disqualify love. Pain and joy, hurt and hope, brokenness and healing can co-exist, drawn together in a way that acknowledges the reality of both. As Father Greg says, “one doesn’t cancel out the other. It’s not like you have a divided heart.”
 
There are no magic formulas that bring us to this realisation. In fact, wrestling with God causes us to let go of our childish belief that such formulas exist. There are no naughty and nice lists. There are no three steps to success or five ways to earn God’s favour. There are no guarantees that if we follow the rules, we’ll get the life we want. There is only the mystery of Jesus – fully human and fully divine. In Jesus, we find there is no judgement, no condemnation, no finger-pointing. In Jesus there are no barriers to get through or hurdles to jump over. He is always with us. He suffers with us, stays with us, comforts us. He continually draws us deeper into his tender loving kindness, holding our broken pieces together in his wounded palms, staying in our corner until the end of time.
 

Reading Recommendations

The Making of Us, by Sheridan Voysey
Following in the footsteps of seventh century monk, Cuthbert, Voysey and his friend walk from Holy Island, Lindisfarne to Durham. This is a lyrical account of their journey, during which we are invited to examine our own inner journey amidst all the uncertainties of life. This is a beautifully written, evocative read, which I highly recommend. The discussion questions at the end help readers dig further into the book, and would also be great to work through with a group.

Glory Happening, by Kaitlin Curtis
A collection of short stories, prayers and meditations on finding God in the midst of everyday life. This book, by Native American author, Kaitlin Curtis, is perfect if you're looking for something to dip into over the summer months. 

Light from Distant Stars, by Shawn Smucker
I've loved everything I've read by Shawn Smucker so far -  Once We Were Strangers, a memoir of his friendship with a Muslim immigrant -  and his two young adult novels: The Edge of Over There and The Day the Angels Fell. Light from Distant Stars is no different. This is an incredibly well-written, captivating story that will leave you thinking about it long after you've finished reading.

I though it was just me, by Brené Brown
This is one of Brown's earlier books and focuses on her research around shame in women. I found it to be incredibly insightful and helpful in looking at things in my own life. If you are a woman, or know a woman, I highly recommend this book. 

Everything Happens for a Reason and other lies I've loved, by Kate Bowler
Bowler was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer at the age of 35. This is a funny, poignant look at what happens when life falls apart and we are stripped of the lie that we can control things with our own determination. I listened to this as an audio book and really enjoyed it.

 

And finally...

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With love and gratitude,
Abby

Other things I've been writing:
There is Enough
Why Katie Hopkins is wrong about Christian Culture
For the Single Ladies