When the whole word feels like the messy middle
The world is a mess. You don’t need me to tell you that. Theologians describe God’s kingdom as both already and not yet, and I’m feeling the ‘not yet’ part of it so deeply right now. The systems we’ve relied on have been revealed as broken and bankrupt. Our social and cultural structures continue to perpetuate racism and patriarchy and crush the life out of the poor and the marginalised. Our politicians and corporations manipulate people to advance their own agendas. Our institutions grasp for power and control at the expense of integrity and service. Habitual ‘us and them’ thinking chooses judgement and self-validation at the expense of empathy and kindness.
You know the truth of this as well as I do. You feel the frustration and despair of it all as deeply as I do. We know we can’t carry on this way and yet new ways of being are yet to emerge. The whole world feels like the messy middle.
//
I mull this over as we work on our garden. We are the proud owners of many bare patches of earth where previous plants have died but nothing new has grown yet. Some days it feels demoralising and depressing to look out at it all.
But I’m learning to see these spaces differently. I’m learning to see them as places of potential and possibility. I’m reading gardening books, googling planting schemes, visiting gardening centres. Every time we go out I’m peering at other people’s gardens, thinking about what might work in ours. When I feel hopeless at how much work it’s going to take, I’m learning to notice and appreciate the beauty that already exists. Not all of the garden is messy, muddy, middle ground. Some of it is flourishing and alive. It gives me hope and helps me to imagine what the bare patches could look like. It could be beautiful here, I whisper to myself, it could be so beautiful.
‘The kingdom of heaven is like…’ So begins Jesus as he tells the parables of the kingdom in Matthew, chapter 13. In fact, the kingdom Jesus describes is so opposite to anything we have created on earth that theologians call it the ‘upside down kingdom.’
We choose power and control, Jesus chooses service and humility. We choose force and coercion, Jesus washes people’s feet. We choose to sort the poor into those who deserve help and those who do not but Jesus feeds them all. We choose the myth of redemptive violence, Jesus refuses violence even at the expense of his own life. We choose judgement and shame where Jesus offers a gentle invitation: Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).
I will give you rest.
I’m so weary and exhausted with the world right now, that invitation feels life-giving, like a soft, comfortable bed you could sink your aching bones into. Rest from all our anxiety and worry and fear. Rest from all the social media outrage and hot takes. Rest from judgement and shame and despair. Rest that stills us for long enough to remember we are God’s beloved children.
When we live at rest in our own belovedness, we are free to slow down and live with more attention and care. We’re free to ask questions without judging or shaming ourselves.
Is this my way or the way of God’s kingdom? Is this way of doing things what Jesus modelled for us? How might we embrace the humility and gentleness he showed? How might we renounce violence and embrace peace? How might we relinquish power and embrace love? How might we refuse to control or dominate people and serve them instead? How might we stop shaming people and invite them to discover their own belovedness?
It’s hard and holy work to reimagine what might be possible. It’s hard work to let go of what you’ve always been told, always believed to be right, always thought was the only way to see things.
On the days it all feels too much, I’m learning to notice the ‘already’ of God’s kingdom, instead of just the ‘not yet' parts. I'm looking for how God’s people are already working towards justice and equality. I’m finding inspiration in stories of acceptance and kindness. I’m finding relief in gratitude for small mercies and celebrating glimpses of love, peace and joy.
I’m reminding myself that the hard work is worth it, because letting go of the old ways means we have room in our hands and our hearts to cultivate something new and better and more beautiful than we could have imagined to take its place.
//
In our garden we are tending to the bare patches with hope and imagination. We are doing the hard working of improving the soil one small patch at a time. We are digging out the old, clay sods and breaking them down, mixing them with soil conditioner and manure. We are choosing colour schemes that please the eye and plants that will thrive in particular places. We are planting things carefully in the newly conditioned earth and tending to them with care. We are pruning and watering and weeding. We are helping things to flourish and grow in our own tiny patch of this world. It’s going to be beautiful here, I whisper to myself, it’s going to be so beautiful.
Reading Recommendations
The Sensible Shoes Series, by Sharon Garlough Brown
Not my usual read, but a recommendation from a trusted friend led me to these stories and I enjoyed them more than I imagined. It tells the story of the spiritual journeys of four women, and while I don't especially enjoy Christian fiction, I found myself draw to the characters and wanting to know what happened to them next. I appreciated the opportunity to find some resources here for my own spiritual journey, too.
Not a book recommendation this time, but an email. Kelly sends out short, thoughtful questions and stories which always somehow both challenge me and bring me peace. I really enjoy her writing and thought you might enjoy it too. Just click the link to sign up.
And finally...
Some exciting news! I'm currently writing an Advent Devotional that will be out in the autumn. It's called Contemplating Christmas: An Advent Devotional for Finding Hope in the Dark. If you've enjoyed my Advent reflections in the past, then you're going to love this!
I'll keep you posted on the details, but wanted you to be the first to know about this fun news!
With love,
Abby